Gone in 60 seconds: Stevie G and the most incredible instant impacts

Steven Gerrard’s farewell to the biggest game in English football was ruined when the red mist descended after just 38 seconds. Stephen Tudor picks out the very best and worst from those who dispensed with formalities…

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Vinnie Jones – Manchester City v Sheffield United 1992

Such is the surreal world that Vincent Peter Jones inhabits just eight years following this crude clomp he went on to actually star in the very film that was GIFed to damnation on Twitter yesterday to mock Stevie G.

Here he could have beaten the title by a good 55 seconds with a premeditated assault on Peter Reid that saw him receive the quickest booking in league history.

I was there that afternoon and vividly recall a multitude of freshly-bought pies clutched in mid-air, postponed from their first bite in pure shock.

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Vuk Bakic – GSP Polet v Dorcol 2012

Not only was the Serbian youngster’s audacious thwack the quickest goal on record but it excited the rule nerds. Contrary to popular belief the ball is active from the very first touch, assuming of course that the player scores. Ah, there’s the rub.

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Keith Gillespie – Reading v Sheffield United 2007

Who’d have thought a win-all match involving Wally Downes and Neil Warnock in opposing dug-outs would be anything other than a genteel affair? Bucking all logic however this was a fractious encounter with a litany of nasty challenges and touchline dust-ups that only escalated further when Keith Gillespie entered the fray. It all kicks off 3.15 into the vid and its fair to assume Stephen Hunt was targeted.

He may have hair like woodland twigs and scurry like a Gremlin after downing a bottle of Bushmills but no-one deserves that.

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Marco Medel – Santiago Wanderers v Universidad de Concepcion 2015

The 25 year old Chilean established himself on Arsene Wenger’s radar earlier this year by managing to injure himself simply by running on as a sub.

This was no mere hamstring tweak either with Medel requiring the full stretcher treatment for precisely ten seconds appearance. He probably still cashed his bonus mind.

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Hrisan Dzheus – Vadim Evseev’s testimonial 2012

Having a rough day in the office? Got the Monday blues? Then indulge yourself in a rare moment of football loveliness as Russian legend Vadim Evseev leaves his testimonial game late on to be replaced by five-year-old Hrisan Dzheus.

Hrisan is the son of a children’s charity director who proceeds to embark on a mazy run, leaving defenders trailing in his wake, before slotting home an individual goal of such mesmerising brilliance Messi would bow down and revere.

If we’re being picky his first touch is appalling while the keeper will be disappointed with that.

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Serge Djiehoua – Gylfadas v Olympiakos Volos 2013

There’s been few quicker dismissals from the bench than this and certainly nothing comes close for comedy gold. Buff Ivorian forward Djiehoua entered this Greek Superleague clash with the game all but out of reach and, visibly pumped up, threw himself immediately into the action determined to bring about a miracle. And he did, of sorts. The miracle of lolz.

Djiehoua’s laughter as he departed – retreading the same stud marks from seconds before – showed he was in on the joke. And what a one-liner it was.


Let us know your favourite instant impacts – comment below or tweet @Betfair