100% win ratio
Magnificent cup wins over Leicester and West Brom since Timothy turned down Barcelona, donned his gilet, and headed for Villa Park represents a 100% win ratio. Which is better than any Aston Villa manager has ever achieved in the club’s history.
This is statistically and factually accurate so please ignore erroneous claims being put about by Sherwood himself of a 110% ratio.
Because God is an Englishman
Shakespeare wrote that so it must be true. The four remaining coaches are made up of an Englishman, Scotsman, Irishman, and Frenchman which sounds like the start of a bad pub joke but is actually a logical pointer as to where the cup is heading.
You see the guy who looks a bit like Morgan Freeman hates the French, dislikes the Scots – which is why he gave us Susan Boyle – and didn’t mind the Irish until Brendan Rodgers kept referring to him as ‘Shanks’.
Timmy meanwhile is a propa Hertfordshire boy. Cry God for Harry (not that one), England, and St George!
It’s in the stars
Liverpool, Arsenal and, err, that other team may all boast a healthy rota of celebrity fans but they don’t come close to the glittering illuminati that support Tim Sherwood. From Prince William to Tom Hanks, Ozzy Osbourne to David Cameron, they’re all huge fans of Tim. Nigel Kennedy, too.
Developing the kids is always rewarded
After personally overseeing the rise of Harry Kane – who would surely be languishing at Dulwich Hamlet were it not for Tim’s Jedi guidance – the Bantering One made youth development at Villa Park his main priority. Which is why – after seeing something in the kid no-one else had bothered to look for – he plucked Jack Grealish from obscurity and bravely threw him into a relegation battle. What do you mean Grealish broke through before Sherwood’s arrival? Stop rewriting history you haters!
Off to get his body-warmer measured
Having been given special dispensation by the FA to wear his famous gilet on the Wembley touchline over a suit the rest may as well pack up and go home. This is because woven into the stylish stitching lies the radioactive superpowers that allows the 120 cap English international to out-think, out-tacticalise, and out-banter any other manager on the planet. This explains Sherwood’s hurling of his treasured garment to the floor in their recent genius-inspired draw at home to QPR. Having been partly responsible for Christian Benteke to actually hit the target instead of ballooning his shot into row z the thing heated up like buggery.
Name’s on the cup
This year’s winner is already engraved on the trophy. It simply says ‘banter’.